Intro

A woman was cooking in a kitchen. It could have been just about anywhere in America. It was less a real kitchen than an example of a what the ideal American kitchen should look like.

After a moment, the peace was suddenly broken when the door to the room quickly swung open. A man rushed in, slammed the door shut behind him, and nearly crashed into the now confused woman. After taking a moment to catch his breath, he choked out a sentence: “I need to warn you about something, Regina.”

Regina gasped. “What is it, Jack?”

“Something horrible is coming” said Jack, with a wild look in his eyes. “You see, it's-”

The man was suddenly interrupted as the door to the room flew open and a creature burst in.

It was a tall monster, towering over the two humans – indeed, it had to duck down in order to squeeze through the door frame. The first thing that struck me about it were how fluid its movements were - it reminded me of a large predatory cat, stalking it's prey. Its body was black, covered in a fine coat of white, hairlike feathers that lengthened into a sort of mane on its head. Its lean and muscular nude body brought to mind the classical Greek warriors you'd find on ancient shattered pottery. It had wide, bright yellow eyes with cold, black pupils.

Its eyes were sharply focused on Jack; it quickly prowled towards him. Jack's face warped into a horrified expression. As it drew close, it opened its toothy maw to speak.

“There you are, buddy!” it said, without a trace of irony. Its voice would have been unnaturally deep for a human, but it suited the large creature just fine.

The man slapped himself in the face. “Joe!” shouted John, with exasperation in his voice, “I thought I told you to wait outside!”

The creature looked into the nearby camera. “No respect I tells ya!” it said, throwing its arms into the air.

The studio audience around me erupted into uproarious laughter.

I smiled. I'd told them that catchphrase would be dynamite.